Love Letter

I know u're mad at me and I'm sorry if I once again let u down. U have to understand that it's not easy for me. What we've been doing is impossible, u know it. u're there, i'm here, we're thousands miles separated. that's why nowadays I start pushing myself to be stronger and tougher than b4. When u came to me, I almost could’nt help myself from responding u and bringing u back into my life. but that's not gonna happen again. I cant get rid of all memories about u thoroughly, but it doesn't mean I want u to come back. No, I just want to respect u cuz I dont have the right to make a bad assessment about u.

I dont know if u still like to visit my blog, but I hope u'll have a kind of premonition that I wont leave u with nothing at all. At least I'm gonna make some last words for u to remember, cuz after this, sooner or later u'll move on with ur life, and I'll move on with my own.

At the first times we knew each other, we were often at loggerheads, and what's funny is I ever had a dislike feeling to you for pretty short times cuz I thought u were someone that was too serious. lol. but then it changed, now I know that u are a loving person. :D
Hmm.. I just wanna say thank u for all your kindness and patience all this time. thank u for being sooo patience in dealing with someone like me, a person who never stops hurting u, either through my words or my actions. I hope we can separate nicely, in a peaceful way. And u dont have to worry cuz I no longer cry. See you again, if God's will.

STRONG

Good morning. I got a sad news last night, my aunt who had been sick for a week, passed away. *May God forgive all her mistakes and she can rest in peace*. Amiiin..

Maybe u're wondering, what makes me woke up so early like this? hahahaha. there's nothing particular, actually. I just miss my blog so much and want to post something so badly. how was my last entry? was that good?

Well, actually I'm sad now. Yes, of course one of the cause is my aunt's death, but there's something else, too. it's about someone who I tell you in Broken Heart-FIFA-Jogjakarta entry. I thought I'd never remember him again. But I was wrong. I cant believe he's been away for almost 3 weeks.
Everytime I go on-line to one of my social network sites, I always hope he sends me a message and ask me to unblock and bring him back to mylife. of course he cant use his own since I've blocked it, but he can use his friend's who I know well enough, too.
This is kinda complicated, and ridiculous. I cant even believe in myself. I have to get over it immediately, I know it'll only be in vain if I keep thing about him, cuz he seems like he doesnt care of me anymore. that's sad. very sad. :(

U know what, I hate this situation. I hate when I become very sad and weak just because of trivial problem. People always see me as the brave and strong girl, but why I cant overcome this kind of problem? I know I can, but I just havent risen up yet.

I'll be leaving Bogor and then live in Jogjakarta in a moment. I hope I can open a new page of mylife there. I want to wipe away all bad memories I've got here, and who knows I can find my truly prince there, just like he said. Hei, I'm almost 18, it's time for me to start feeling a true love. I think I have a right to feel it. I like the idea of growing up, I like the fact that I'm gonna be a college student because my passion to pursue and achieve my dream job is soo big, I'm ready to pursue it, I was born to achieve it. Amiiin. And to make it come true, just like I wrote in my Worthless vs Useless entry, I have to struggle very hard, cuz hoping is never enough. And one of the actions of struggling is being strong. yes, I know my path will be very windy and rocky. Nothing is smooth for me, I'm sure of that because I've felt that so many times. lol.

How can I be strong if the fact is I've fallen very hard just because I'm broken heart? Hahahahaha. u know what, everytime I think of that question, it adds more courage to my heart and my mind, and it makes me believe that he is not worth it.and it's better. it's better for me to think that he's not worth it rather than staying stuck on him. :D I'm strong, and will be stronger and stronger, just like this lyrics "When I'm older, I will be stronger. they'll call me freedom, just like a wavin' flag..." sounds familiar, right???

Gotta go. I hope this entry can inspire u to be a strong girl. "Big girls dont cry!!!"
:)

Worthless vs Useless

It’s raining heavily outside, what a windy day (I wrote this entry at 5, but posted it just now ). Maybe my journey to the future will be as this windy. But I have not even started yet, not yet. I’ve indeed done my high school, but finishing high school means I begin another chapter of my life.

Hmm.. I'm sorry 4 abandoning and neglecting this blog for quite long time. You know I dont always have an interesting story to tell everyday, specially because I'm on a long holiday now. Hey, but it doesn't mean I'm spending this holiday by crouching hopelessly at home, doing nothing. Lol. Sometimes I come out and hang out with my friends, but just not everyday. Cuz yeah.. you know, some of my friends have already started the college.

Making amends, and as a proof that I still seriously care and love this blog, I'd post a long entry. something related to life, even it's very related. something psychological which really exists in our life. What is it??


"I believe each person was born with different objectives, and they were made to create difference, there are no worthless people in this world, even the disabled or mentally ill ones. Yes, there are no worthless people in this world, but there are some who are useless.

What’s the difference between worthless and useless? If somebody say that we’re worthless, it means he has humiliated our primary right, human right. Human right is the most fundamental element of an individual, where the right that he has is not questionable anymore, where the right he has can’t be broken by any laws or arguments.

We are living creatures; of course we are precious and worth it. We are God’s creation; thus we deserve to get protection and recognition. That’s why we’re precious; we deserve to live, because we’re living things. And for this reason, there’s no worthless person in the world.

Useless. Becoming useless isn’t somebody’s fault. It’s not our friends’ fault, or our teachers’ fault. It’s ours. We’re made with a lot of great things that can help us make a contribution to something we’re fond of. There’s nothing perfect, I know that. But there’s nobody who forces the others to be always good at anything and anytime, too. That’s why we often hear word “tolerance”. We can take a badminton athlete as one example. He can run fast, he has quick responses and reflects, good backhand or forehand. But we never know that outside the field he often gets difficulty in solving math’s problems or gets trapped in dead end when he’s asked to make a poetry..

So, if we do have a lot of marvelous things and talents, why there are still many people who end up in jail or rehabilitation center or in the street? It’s because they don’t use their options wisely. Options? Yes, Options. People always have options, they are simple :

What do you want yourself to be in the future? A. Success individual B. Failed individual.
Of course, you will choose A. So will I. That is everyone’s hope, to be successful.
Hoping is easy, but making it come true is not as easy as it sounds. We have to struggle very hard, and sometimes we have to sacrifice and make a hard decision, but those are just parts of our journey. I can’t say that I’ve managed to finish my journey beautifully, but at least I begin to understand several things about this life.
People tend to be trapped in themselves. What makes them fail, or worst, useless, is they always take too lightly anything. They count on somebody else, not themselves. They depend on another people’s help. They want to be success but they don’t want to work. They also always blame destiny for their disability, while we all know that God has said, “We will not alter people’s condition until they alter it by themselves”. They are supposed to know that their condition still can be changed and fixed.
Being useless is a shame, a big shame. Aren’t we embarrassed of ourselves if all we can do is only becoming government’s burden and getting another people in trouble?"




So, what do u think?? Do u agree with me? do you think at the same way like me? of course we have different opinions, it's okay. but I just try to convey mine. Hope u all can understand them very well.

Farewell.

Broken Heart-FIFA-Jogjakarta

I'm broken heart, yes that's the reason why I havent showed up for more than 2 weeks. I'm sad, I just lost someone I really care of. well, I believe I dont "lose" him, cuz it was me the one who asked him to go away. he cared of me, too. I never declared my feeling to him, while he had done that twice. but I knew he knew that I loved him, and until now, honest to say, I still cant completely forget him.

I'm not even sure that he's still remembering me now. I dont even know that he still loves me. Hahaha. i dont care, cuz even if I care, there's nothing I can do beside trying to recover myself from this heartache.
why am I turning to be this melancholy? if my sister reads this, she'll laugh at me. hahaha. but i keep posting this with a hope that "he" will visit my blog someday.

I've blocked him from one of my social networks. i didnt want that, but he asked me to do it. it hurt me, why? but somehow I really did it.

many things happened during my absence. I cant tell u one by one cuz I cant remember them all. Funny me. Fortunately FIFA World Cup was there helping me to get through all the nights. congratulation for Spain, though my real favorit team is Brazil, but Spain was not bad. :D

So many days have passed. and now it's been mid of July. it means I'll move to Jogja in less than a month. Jogjakarta, yes, I'll be far away from home, wandering in strange city (not really strange) to gain knowledge. I will study hard, and I have to cuz I want to get scholarship to study abroad. it's only me left in my family who has never felt how schooling abroad is like.

Separated :(

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Boy I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Boy you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated